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Buying For the Underaged Crowd
2004-03-16 - 2:09 p.m.


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So I bought beer for my lab partner yesterday.

I felt it was a little paying back of the karmaic debt I incurred as a youth, misspent as it was.  I drank a lot, and Im sure I had my share of buyers. 

He's a nice kid.  Geeky.  Almost blind, or maybe legally blind, Im not sure.  Lots of dandruff.

I used to worry that I would catch his dandruff, like a disease.  I dont know much about scalp ailments.  One day Id wake up to see it snowing indoors, I dont know.  He has it really badly.  I want to say something, but I think its part of the "blind" thing.  Im pretty sure he doesnt see it, doesnt know about it.  So why should I piss on his parade.  Besides, it goes with his recurrent BO.

He has a wandering eye and a sharp sense of humor.  Geeky, like I said, and I'm concerned with all the computer networking classes I'm taking, which has submerged me with the non-socialized engineer type, that Im catching their geekiness as well.  I have weak boundaries when it comes to people.  Weak boundaries.  I pick up their mannerisms, their neuroses bleeds into mine.

So I suppose the dandruff thing was an extension of that.  Lord knows I dont shower every day.  But then, Jesus didnt really shower a whole lot, did He?  They didnt shower too often back then.  No one did. 

No, only the wealthy bathed often, and Jesus, in His Jesus way, was not materially wealthy, or so they say.  But then, who knows.  His teachings have been maligned and perverted for the use of the elite, and He, by all accounts, was rudely killed by the elite of the time.

And, you know...in a way, Jesus BOUGHT for people, too.  The whole water into wine thing?  I think you see where this is going.

Yes.  I am Jesus and John Ashcroft rolled into one ugly facade.  I vote republican and whip reptiles at the unbeliever.  I walk on water and restrict the freedoms of us all.

Anyway, he was all excited about getting some beer.  He wanted a case, but didnt know what kind of beer to get.  Rookie.

So I threw some names of beer out at him, both cheap and expensive.  He cottoned to the cheap beer, probably because of his background.

The fucker wanted Natty Ice. Natty Fuckin' Ice.

For those of you not in the know, I'm talking about one of the lowest rent, nastiest, foulest, just fucking disgusting-est beer ever even conceived, aside from freaks who drink piss, Natural Ice.  Its incredibly cheap.  And as the whole "Ice Beer" wave crested and rolled back, the whole Natty line missed the fuckin' boat.  By a wide margin. 

To understand the Natty experience, roll indigestion, unpalatability and some sort of digestive disruption the next day into a can, and you have Natty Ice.  Its the kind of drink that when the designers and makers got together, they said something like, "We need something that tastes horrible, yet still fucks you up."  or "We need to cash in on the Ice Beer phenonmena, but dont give a damn about taste."

Drinking Natty Ice is akin to having a mullet and a hat that says "Federal Bikini Inspector".  Its the lowest of the low.

"Here you are, you nasty motherfucker," I said as I handed him a twelver.  I got two twelves.  One of Busch and one of Natty Ice.  Both chilled.  I figured I should get chilled, because whenever some asshole would buy me warm beer, I always got pissed off about it.

I dropped him off at his...essentially dorm room existance.  It was a one room apartment, tiny, the size of a dorm room.  Right next to campus, meant to be a dorm room, and had the dorm room "rathole" mentality that one sees from time to time.  Shit everywhere.

Earlier in the day I was at school for class and scheduling.  I gave him a DVD+R of software and stuff he could use to copy XBOX games and do other things as well.  He has no cable nor internet connection.  I figured out of sheer boredom he would figure out how to do it.

 I left him to climb into a coma of cheap beer, marijuana and vidoe games.


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