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Straight Eye for the Straight Guy before/after There's this guy at the gym. Nice fellow. I call him "the Thing". Like "the Thing from the 'Fantastic Four'. Each one of the Fantastic 4 had their own power. One turned invisible, one turned into fire and could fly, another could stretch his body to an incredible degree (how useful!) and there was 'the Thing'. 'The thing' was made out of orange brick and built like a brick shithouse. This guy I call 'the thing' is not made out of orange brick but is built like a brick shithouse. He shaves his head bald, but does have an oran-gey complexion. His superpowers are horrific odor, talking to himself, and an incredibly bad fashion sense. I'm no 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy', in fact, I'm not even gay. But there are sometimes I just want help a guy out. Today 'the thing' was wearing a white and red baseball cap, a vibrant flourescent orange cut up midrif sweatshirt, faded yellow t-shirt under that, green longsleved shirt(wrists cut off) under that, weightbelt, and aqua joey buttafuco pants. The pants had black, white, purple and lighter aqua colors on them, that were actually some sort of saying, but I didn't really want to look that closely. It was hard to look at him. I wanted to come up to him quietly, shaking my head, look of disbelief on my face and just above a whisper say, "Dude...what the fuck?" Instead, he walked around complaining about the heat in the gym. It was too hot for him. He didn't like it. Nobody pointed out the mulitple layers of clothing he wore. Its like yesterday, driving around, seeing a man in shorts, pasty white thighs and black socks. I wanted to stand in front of him, saying, "Black socks and shorts--bad idea." Make a big circle with my arm, "Go home. Try it over again." But I don't do these things, because there's enough negativity in the world.
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