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Leaded American gets his confrontation he wanted so badly
2024-01-24 - 9:20 a.m.


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Had an old boomer friend of my departed dad shout at me in the office yesterday.

He's a dyed-in-the-wool MAGA, Republican, QANON what-have-you.

He routinely tries to bait me into 'political' discussions that quickly devolve into him shouting at me. And duder is literally dying to do it.

"YOU CAN TELL ME YOUR OPINION, BUT I WILL TELL YOU ITS WRONG, BECAUSE IT IS."

Actual quote.

Guy was a good friend of my dad's. Me, him and my dad used to do dude things together, like hunting, fishing, boating, shooting etc.

I don't really hunt, fish, or anything like that anymore. I just don't want to hurt anything.

I'm more apt to take a picture of wildlife if I encounter it and mostly leave it alone. I don't know the wildlife's opinion on this, but I imagine its favorable, all things considered.

And I take responsibility for the incipient 'political conversation' because I know I shouldn't have allowed myself to be drawn into it.

"Okay," I said, "What legislative accomplishments are the Republicans running on?"

"Well, they need to close up the border-"

"So," I said, interrupting and ingnoring that he was talking future policy, not past accomplishment, "Racism."

And he EXPLODES. Calling me names, calling me a mysogynisitc hypocrite. Real off the wall shit.

"Ok, then for legislative accomplishments, you're running on pictures of Hunter Biden's penis?"

In my defense, I had a sweet follow up. I figured he'd slow down enough for me to say some variation of, "Well, I heard he had a hog, so there's that."

But oh no. Apparently that energized him more. He moved towards me confrontationally while shouting.

"I DIDN'T SEE ANY PICTURES OF HUNTER BIDEN'S PENIS! DID YOU? NO? THEN YOU'RE NOT BRINGING ANY FACTS TO THE DISCUSSION! I'M CONCERNED ABOUT THE MONEY HE GOT PAID FOR NOT DOING ANYTHING AND THE CHECKS THEY *PROVED* WENT TO HIS FATHER! "

"What about the 2 billion that Jared Kushner got from the Saudis-"

"I WISH YOUR MOTHER WAS HERE, BECAUSE WE WOULD *BURY* YOU! WHAT ABOUT BILL CLINTON AND MONICA LEWINSKY!" He sputtered.

Monica Lewinsky? Really?

I could smell his breath he was so close to me, seething, shouting. Like, he could not wait to get into a fist fight or something. Nearly seventy year old man. Wanting to throw hands. Guy I've known since I've been 14. What in the actual fuck.

Was it all the lead in the environment? Leaded gas? What the fuck?

Look, I eschew violence anymore, but I still have mad squabbles. I'd like to think I'm above beating old-man ass, but I can't say that I'm enlightened enough to not let it happen.

So I steer the conversation to Jeffery Epstein in a bid to find common ground and defuse the situation. Usually it blows their tribalistic minds that I would be willing to see anyone involved in that situation taken down for bad behavior.

And really, I don't care if there is an R or D attached to the name. Anyone that rapes kids should be held accountable.

He sputtered some more and put me through some sort of quiz about what happened, who was involved, and yes, I support anyone that was involved being prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Yes, I work with kids as part of my practice.

It was like a jet engine slowing down. Eventually after calling me a hypocrite and mysogynist a few more times "Ok?" "NO, YOU'RE NOT. HOW DO YOU LIKE BEING CALLED NAMES? THAT'S WHAT IT FEELS LIKE."

He shook my hand.

Eventually he died down and lapsed back to reality.

But holy shit, I'll never 'discuss politics' with a leaded-American again.

What the fuck.

It was like he was dying to shout at someone about right-wing politics. Dying for a straw man to rage against. Someone he deems 'liberal' so he can feel intellectually and ideologically superior to, as the right-wing propaganda machine tells him to feel, makes him afraid and angry about immigrants and people taking his guns.

Fear and anger, fear and anger.

And for why? The guy is winning at life. He has plenty of money, toys, and is building a beautiful second home in an idyllic spot. He's had two kids, they are grown, successful. He's on his second marriage. All things non-leaded Americans would likely dream of.

Why are you so angry, bro?



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